Operation Make Matthew Mad

While I live my life as the mindless poet, I enjoy a life of drunken excess, carnal pleasures and abandoned addiction. Between the hours of 8:30am and 5:30pm however, I am often to be found chained to a cubicle like a monkey in a Russian lab. Working for ‘the man’. Watching as my very existence fritters away into nothings.

I arrive at work each day in a beaten pick-up truck, its exterior a mirror image of my own interior. Basically blue, a little cracked, but with enough signs of experience as to clearly add to its character. I slide across the bench seat to let myself out of the passenger side, knowing that taking my chances by opening the driver’s door will result in it falling from its hinges. Again. Usually letting out a long sign as I flick my cigarette into the ‘butt bin’, I let myself into the building.

I then sit and stare at these 3 ½ walls. And wallow.

But then I think to myself ‘you know what, mindless poet? It could be worse. You have a job (a little crappy) a car (falling apart but functional) a love life (for the moment at least, one never knows what may happen) and youth on your side. Look up! (I call to myself) look around! Gaze upon the more unfortunate!

Thankfully, this isn’t too difficult in my office. Mainly consisting of middle aged women, my co-workers generally allow me to feel better for a moment, and to remember my fortunes.

This is, of course, until Matthew walks in.

Matthew is the embodiment of all that is wrong with the mindless poet. He’s younger, blonder, taller and better looking than I am. He’s the kid at school that would have been the quarter back if he’d not messed up his knee saving a kitten from a fire. He looks like Tom Brady, drives a Saab, and smells so nice. He has strong arms, perfect hair and teeth, more green in his wallet than I do…

And I want him removed. Not dead necessarily… just ‘removed’.

It is with such a mindset that I embark upon a most dastardly and evil plan… Operation Help! Make Matthew Mad… (Oh! MMM….)

I fully intend to drive Matthew firmly around the bend, down the road a little bit, into a garage, into another car, and finally into the asylum. This will start today and continue until the job has been completed….