Wednesday, May 14th

Ladies and mothers, gentlemen and bloggers, fans of the fart and lovers of the libido, my apologies.

You see, the problem with writing a blog about one boring person in a boring office can get… well… boring sometimes. Matthew is still Matthew, he still grips my shit, I still hate him and I’d still be totally lost without him. It’s time to expand your horizons of my workplace (I sometimes do work here); it’s time for you to meet the family.

We’ll start with my cube; let you get comfortable in here yeah? Then you can go out and meet and greet the ‘others’, then you’ll do my work and let me get on with what I’m doing? Which is usually nothing good, and usually involves chatting with ‘my bird’ or playing ping pong on the quiet. Which, by the way, I am officially the office champion of.

My cube is the same kind of cube that you may be sitting in now. Grey, depressing, adorned with strip lights. I have no photographs in here; I consider photos in cubes as an acceptance of your sentence. When I finally break out of this confinement I don’t want to be stopping to collect anything aside from my coffee mug and possibly my basketball-shaped-stress-ball.

I’ve been at this place for 8 months and now have 4 coffee mugs. One was here when I arrived, one was given to me by a colleague (Lisa, you’ll meet her later), one was purchased for me by my lovely girlfriend, the other was a corporate offering, a big white and green ‘thing’ with ‘Go Green *company name blocked so I don’t get fired* written all over it. I have 3 calendars, 2 monitors, and a shot glass from Rachel in sales. All I need is 5 gold rings and I’ve got a song that’ll get in your head!

Also in my cube is a list of names of customers that are funny. There is:
1) Sunday O.Ojay
2) Nimrod Dolev
3) Kelli Hooker
4) Candace Waddles
5) Tweety Bang, and
6) Rose Hefty

There’s also a company name, ‘Slappy and Sadd LLC’. I’m not making any of this up.

Tomorrow, I’ll start to introduce you to my colleagues… stay tuned!